The same women he can get in “real life” don’t respond to him online. He reminds me that each letter he writes that goes unanswered is a blow to the ego. Don’t let the process affect you; just be grateful for the potential that it presents. But the gist of it is that all of the experts out there have people believing that the way to forge a happy relationship is by playing games. And everything that you do that is in the least bit calculating is pushing you farther and father from what you claim to want – an authentic relationship where you can be loved and accepted for who you are. They value his ability to be a man, take control, make decisions, speak his mind and march to the beat of his own drum. Because they’ve tried to “nice” their way into women’s hearts and failed, they’re convinced that they have to start being jerks. The confidence that a man projects is the magnetism that draws women. Confidence without kindness describes “bad boys” that smart woman have long ago given up.
I remind him that at a party, she doesn’t have a hundred men lined up to talk to her. The strength of online dating lies in its ability to give us access to total strangers; the downside is how difficult it is to keep their attention. Finally, we get to talking about the woman he’s writing to. I wrote about this extensively in a chapter from “Why You’re Still Single” creatively called “Don’t Play Games”, but to reiterate: NOTHING GOOD COMES OUT OF PLAYING GAMES. None of those things prevent a guy from being nice. Kindness without confidence is the charge against the wishy-washy “nice guys”.
They spoke on the phone last night for the first time. But if you put confidence and kindness together…well, I’d say you have a pretty irresistible combination of traits for a man. Confident men keep their plans after they make them.
Confident men can express vulnerability and caring without seeming weak.
A woman's dating preference is the ultimate paradox. In two studies highlighted in “Sex Roles, A Journal of Research,” the “nice guy paradox” is explored.
The thing is, while we're constantly on the lookout for that super sweet, caring guy who will make a great companion, we're actually attracted to the guy who ignites passion within us. There's just something so satisfying about taking the jerk home from the bar who's spent most of the night intellectually challenging you in a heated verbal debate. This nice guy stereotype contends that women often claim they want a nice guy, a man who is sweet, kind and sensitive, and yet, when it comes down to it, she rejects this man for one with “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality.
Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. When you really donre looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?
If you want feedback, ask a friend—possibly a female friend—for honest input. The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys.
I couldn't believe this slightly older, charming, and successful guy was giving me -- an awkward young girl who hadn't quite figured out the right shade of foundation -- the time of day. Big equivalent basically helped me implode into an even bigger self-loathing mess over a couple years; constantly comparing myself to the other women he wouldn't stop chasing. My overall quality of life soared while I dated the good guy. But at the end of the day, a good guy will always be there for you and want what's best for you.It took a long time, but I eventually realized opposite effect. It's impossible to be upfront and honest with someone who's being cryptic and weird. You just get shut down so many times, you start to edit what you're saying. I'm a typical 20-something juggling a gym membership, career networking, hanging out with friends, family, and, OK, I admit it -- a crippling wanderlust and over-the-top addiction to Netflix-and-chilling.Being respected and listened to helped me become a bigger person. Men with manners, compassion, and sweetness are gems. Seriously, I swipe left on at least 50 photos a day of cocky men posing with guitars, next to waterfalls, and looking pensive on boats.Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men. Just because you are dating a woman doesnt mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!I'm a woman who's all about going out with nice guys. I'm not an anomaly of the XX chromosome, I'm not boring, overly domestic, and certainly not a prude. But after kissing a few frogs, I've learned the benefits of always choosing a heart of gold over a tall, dark, and handsome jerk.
So it's sex that ultimately drives a woman into the arms of the alpha assh*le. A study from researchers at Hartpury College in England, of 146 British women, ages 18-24, found that even the most seasoned daters still tended to fall for men who expelled narcissistic qualities.